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TO BE A SINCERE PHONEY, with an introduction by
Will Rogers biographer Joe Carter, is the newest guidebook
by humorist James H. Boren. Published at Sunrise, July
4, it addresses a far greater audience than his six
previous books. As founder and president of INATAPROBU
(the International Association of Professional Bureaucrats),
Boren has spent years of total immersion in the "dynamic
inaction of bureaucracy" advising and making fun of
bureaucrats throughout the U.S. and 58 other countries.
He first came to national attention in 1972 when he
ran a 170-mile televised race on horseback from Philadelphia
to Washington to protest the U.S. Postal Service's
treatment of Destroyer Escort sailors (of which he
was one). Using six quarterhorses, his Pony Express
beat all of the U.S. Mail, some of it by as many as
eight days!
Still on the speaking
circuit, Boren headquarters in the foothills of
the Ozarks where he and his wife Norma, also a social
scientist, live on a 35-acre Tick Ranch. As a Professor
of Political Science at Northeastern State University
in Oklahoma, his home state, Dr. Boren teaches a course
on the uses of humor to bring about constructive change.
The students conduct humor projects.
Recently while he was writing politicians' horoscopes
for his Web site, it came to him in one of those "Eureka!"
flashes experienced by creative thinkers that politicians
are the greatest bureaucrats of all. Politicians,
he realized, avoid facing difficult political decisions
by passing broad brush legislation, then delegating
to the bureaucrats the authority "to promulgate such
rules and regulations necessary to carry out the purposes
of the Act." "Politicians and bureaucrats," he exclaimed
to himself, "are brothers and sisters!"
This is why he created a "Bible
for Politicians" for his new book. "The Powers-That-Be,"
the Boren Bible says, "took the mud of the gutter,
the waters of the still, the gases of the air, and
they formed a Politician." Because "it's hard to look
up to a leader who keeps his ear to the ground," the
Boren Bible reminds politicians: "Thou shouldst
always tell the truth...a half truth at a time..."
It includes specific rules for babykissers, lamentations,
prayers and psalms - all ministering to the needs
of politicians. "Moneyvangelists, born of profitsy,"
are singled out for scornful attention.
For the entire family of bureaucrats the book includes
aptitude tests and advice on basic skills such as
platform performance, crisis management and doing
battle. His 15-page Dictionary of Borenwords
is especially useful to the uninitiated. Words such
as bladderate, bloatate, hunkerfy, compuflush, drivelate,
ethicate, globate, molarchek, mumblio ad libitum,
pompistrut and rumperatory help non-bureaucrats to
understand, if not to laugh.
Finally, in addition there are 277 Boren
Advisories that make anyone laugh, even the most
sincere, well-schooled bureaucrat. Consider:
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"Sharing
ignorance may not lead to wisdom. But it spreads responsibility."
"Viagrafied
cash is impregnating the body politic."
"Checks
are the DNA of politics."
"You
won't get lost if you stay in a rut."
"Ignorance
never stops politicians from saying what they think."
"A
politician's handshake may be the foreplay to taxual
assaults."
"In
politics, the jerks get the perks, the workers get
the works, and the taxpayers get the bill."
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